Monday Mulligan No. 10

I don’t reiterate history on this site, so you will never find extensive shot-by-shot reporting here. My focus on this site is about the Big Show, the preposterous and lovable entertainment menagerie of people, places, and things known as PGA Tour televised golf.

2013 professional golf is half game, half show. Most sports on TV are exactly the same, yet golf is so pedestrian that the showmanship screams in contrast to the demeanor of the game itself.  And out of the lush abundance of verdant greenery and majestic trees strolls a wealthy, long-haired young man dressed entirely in orange.

I jump on trends, too. One trend these days is in the announcers’ booth. No matter who is there, or on the course, they wield words of so-called wit like swords of dragonbone steel. There’s a real competition out there to get the best one-liner or obvious observation on-air before your colleague.

Gone are the soft-talking, reverent commentators. Now it’s a free-for-all of forced and repeated observations about the ocean, the grass, the gallery, an idiosyncrasy, or themselves, even while the golfer on the screen is swinging.  They talk over each other and don’t make the call on the screen. It’s about them, not the golf.  Anyone else notice this?  Thank you, I’m glad you agree.

What has gotten much better, are the on-course interviews. The players seem more prepared and hip than they used to be. They give the interviewer a wry smile if they are now asked stupid questions, which has forced interviewers to raise their game.

Here’s another trend: the LPGA has gotten better, sharper, friendlier, more informative, more personal. And the golf is spectacular to watch.

Tell me if I’m wrong:  On the PGA Tour, when a pro hits a slightly offline shot or misses an improbable 30-foot putt, he curses and sulks and probably spits. When an LPGA player misses, she shakes her head…then smiles!  Who is enjoying the game more?

Some culture shift has happened on the inside of the LPGA tour that I really like. And if you’ve read my previous series on the LPGA, you’ll know that this is a big shift from what I thought back then.  They still have not addressed the stronger marketing issues I brought up, but they have nailed the rest.

So, congrats to Mr. Merrick, Ms Shin (and Ms. Ko!), not to mention the Man of Steel, Mr. Langer.

And good luck to Mr. Faldo, Mr. McCord, Mr. Feherty, and Mr. Nance in your arena-like battle of words, wit, and WTF.

Monday Mulligan No. 9

Brandt Snedeker, the 10-million-dollar-man, now known as “Pop Sneds,” drives and putts his way to a impressive -19, two-stroke win  at the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am, formerly referred to back in the day as Bing Crosby’s BYOB Little ‘ole Clambake for a Few Good Friends, or something like that.

Pop Sneds and Hahn, James Hahn, the greenside dance sensation, were neck-and-neck for the first few holes on Sunday’s final round play. Hahn missed a few early short putts and never caught up, finishing at -14.

By the turn, Hahn found himself four back with the field surging past him, including Captain Chris Kirk, who finished solo second at -17, and Jimmy Walker and Kevin Stadler, who finished tied with Hahn at -14.

Speaking of the turn, let’s pause, now, for a PSYidebar:
During the Saturday telecast, the on-air commentators blurted what they thought was the exciting truth but, in fact, was not. They gleefully announced that James Hahn’s YouTube video of his 16th green dance was already at 700 million views. (This, remember, after only 24 hours since his dance). The truth is, it is PSY’s  crazy-entertaining “Gangnam Style” video that has crossed the billion-view mark and more. Hahn’s dance steps were inspired by the PSY video, hence the confusion by the charming but non-hip announcers. Hahn’s video views are about seven zeros fewer than a billion. The commentators corrected their error on Sunday, as the leaders approached the turn; hence, the PSYidebar.

Jim Nance and Sir Nick Faldo said the word “pop” in one reference or another 279 times on Sunday, referring to the way Pop Sneds pops his putts. In truth, I really didn’t count, but it reminds of the SEO (search engine optimization) keywords I used to work into my copywriting for websites. It’s sort of like subliminal advertising. If a product existed called Pop, Pop Stroke, or Pop It In, they would have made millions today.

The final bullet point to a rousing day for Snedeker amid the coastal oceanic splendor of Pebble Beach is that this win extends his lead in the FedEx Cup standings and elevates him to number four in the world golf rankings.

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Monday Mulligan No. 8

Jason Dufner feels he has a “Sunday problem.”  He feels that he can’t get it done on Sunday and sees it as something serious he has to work on.

I agree, if his goal is to win every single week. So far, two out of four ain’t bad.

Still, going back to the clash he had with Sir Keenan, he seems to feel that there is a gear missing that he could have used to win.

From his perspective, I can understand how he feels. Today’s gift of victory to Zach Johnson was just that, a victory given to Zach on a silver platter. Zach was playing great, but Jason currently has Tiger-magic…which he threw into the water at 15.  So Jason feels that he let himself down, again, on Sunday.

Me, that’s golf.  No, it’s life. You can’t expect perfection from yourself all the time. You need to know how to deal with your imperfections, your mistakes, your bad luck.  Today,  he screwed up and came in second…is that so bad?  I guess it is for our PGA Tour pros.  I rather like that.

Congrats to Zach today. And congrats to Jason, who can still pay his bills this month with his second-place check.

Monday Mulligan No. 7

PGA Tour Pro Rickie Fowler, the over-saturated swashbuckler with a golden 51-degree wedge, captured his first tour win this weekend at the Wells Fargo.  Not only that, Sunday’s Sir Citrus beat the current golf golden boy on the press’s pedestal, Rory McIllroy, number one stick slasher in all the world (with a hot tennis player girlfriend too…in case you missed the forty references).

All this show needed was a damsel in distress and a talking dragon.  The locks, the legend, the palette, the pomp, and the enthralling circumstance seemed more like a lavish epic fairy tale than a gritty professional golf tournament.   Gone are the days when a Hawaiian shirt would pop eyeballs or a bearded face draw frowns and head shakes.  Mark my words, in another 15 years, the players will be wearing helmets, Speedos, and body paint (with their sponsor’s logo, of course).  Ben Crane is certainly ahead of the curve.

Add to that lavish mix, the gravel allergy-shredded voice of announcer Gary McCord.  Aye, matey, ’twas a sight to be seen, it was.  Surreal.

Please, do this for me, Google “Webb Simpson and Nick Watney.”  If there are 50,000 articles that somewhere mention how Nick stayed at Webb’s house during the tournament, it would still be 100,000 less times than the CBS and GolfChannel commentators mentioned it with obsessive fascination and incomprehensible giggles. Creepy.  And don’t they realize we heard them the first time they mentioned it?  I mean, please, dear god, spare us the reps.  I mean it, I beg you.

So congratulations, Rickie.  I am proud of you and you’ve given me a new reason to wear sunglasses inside.

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Monday Mulligan No. 6

I salute Bubba Watson, my Captain Hook, for his crazy hooked wedge to the 10th green in the second playoff hole for the championship of the 2012 Masters.

Hundreds of other writers will tell the full golfing tale, I’m sure.  But for me, today Bubba showed us all how he has matured as a golfer and as a person.

The usually jittery, jumpy Bubba kept himself focused and didn’t allow a single crack for that jitter to escape and affect his game.  Only at the end did the tears rain, fertilizing Augusta’s turf with the DNA of a champion golfer and man of conviction.

With no teacher, no swing coach, and nothing but imagination and immense talent for his entire career, Bubba trusted his ability to get from A to B in miraculous fashion with an unforgettable shot and well-deserved win.  In your face, all you PGA pros investing in swing and mind coaches.

Congratulations, Captain Hook, for tearing up the back nine and nailing a memorable win that every golf fan in the world relished.

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